Teenage girls aren’t always nice. In the rush of hormones and the hurry to find your place in the world, adolescence can feel like a dog-eat-dog business.
Or is that a bitch-eat-bitch business?
But does that mean they are going to grow up to be terrible people? Do they need their mean girls behaviour called out at every turn?
Listen to Holly Wainwright and Andrew Daddo discuss this on the latest episode of This Glorious Mess. Story continues after audio:
One woman thinks so – in the States last month, a mother overheard three girls bitching about some of their school mates while she was sitting on her own in the cafe. So the mum decided to take matters into her own hands by buying them all a frappachino and delivering them a handwritten note.
It read:
“Hi Girls!
I sat near you today in Starbucks and listened as you talked. You three are obviously pretty and hard-working. I wish your kindness matched your pretty exteriors. I heard you talk about a girl who sang a song about being lonely in the talent show – and you laughed. About a girl who couldn’t be lead singer because you got all the votes, about crappy presents other people have given you…and you sounded so mean and petty.
You are smart and you are pretty. It would take nothing from you to also be kind. – M.”
Passive aggressive? Yes.
A good idea? No.
From my own personal experience with bitchy teenage girls – yes, I was one myself – it probably would have been best if this mother had just let them be. Because if there is one thing that makes teenagers even bitchier than they already are, it’s being pulle up by an adult who they don’t respect. Or don’t know.
Chances are, those three would have read that note, laughed, and continued on their merry, bitchy way.
Because talking about other people is sometimes how girls decide their place in the world. And one person's 'bitching' is another's exchange of information.
That mother's intervention did nothing but create a viral moment.
When it comes to Clueless teenagers, you're better off rolling your eyes and thinking 'You will learn.'
One day they will figure it out for themselves. As Andrew Daddo says on This Glorious Mess: "No girl is immune from being ostracised. It's awful - but as a father of teenage girls - you can't solve it for them, and their resilience is built up by solving issues for themselves."
Were you a bit of a bitch?
Listen to the full episode of This Glorious Mess here:
Top Comments
The difficult thing is often the bully girls are cunning and smart. Their victim will be the only one who knows they're on the receiving end. Butter wouldn't melt in their mouth to everyone else. Until they move on to a new target and then the old target breathes a sigh of relief and the new target suffers in silence.
At least the bitchy girls are open about it, the sneaky bullies are the ones to fear.
I completely disagree with the author of this article. I've been a teenage girl, and I teach them, and I adore them. They are all bitchy one time or another, but they are not all bitches. And I DO call out meanness whenever I see it- every time.
And the anonymous note from a stranger? I would see it as evidence to the girls that society at large does not respect unkindness, proof of what I'm trying to teach them every day.
Teenage girls can be kind, resilient, amazing humans and we can all be part of helping them become these things.
The note this mother left was clear, not nasty or unhelpful.
They might well have joked about it with each other, but I think, privately, it may well have made them think.
I liked it!