Have Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris split because he got a "happy ending" massage?

Not happy.

There are two compelling indications that young white music-making golden couple Calvin Harris, 31, and Taylor Swift, 25, have broken up.

1. He was photographed exiting an alleged “happy endings” massage parlour.

2. For QUITE some time, there haven’t been any selfies of Calvin Harris babysitting Taylor Swift’s cats as she performs with increasingly arbitrary celebrities on her stage.

The lovers have not confirmed their split, but Harris has indicated that he is no longer happy (regardless of how any massage ended).

The story was reported by Radar, that bastion of truth and integrity, along with a picture of Harris exiting a massage parlour which for all intents and purposes looks like a standard Thai massage parlour. According to Defamer, though, Yelp reviewers say it provides “the best happy endings in Hollywood”.

An “insider” says Taylor saw the photos and “said to him, ‘What the fuck?!'”

But rather than coming clean about what really happened, the insider claimed, “He lied to her. He gave some bullish*t excuse that his masseuse was sick and he needed his shoulder worked on.”

Oh god, no!

Swift hasn’t addressed the rumours, but she has favourited Harris’s tweet, which indicates to this eagle-eyed reporter that she’s standing by her man.

Fans have already made up their minds about this one.

Key Swift squad member Selena Gomez has also shot down the vicious rumours of a split.

“I think I would have found that out. Is that a rumor?” she asked Andy Cohen on his radio show when he mentioned it.

“Honestly, it’s so stupid. I’m pregnant every week, [Taylor’s] gonna be pregnant. It’s so stupid, like you can’t really read that stuff.”

Totally. Looks like this love story might just have a happy ending after all.