You and I are both women who have shared a love for the same two men. The same two men who are the apple of my eye; my husband and my step-son.
While time has changed the role in which you play in my husband’s life you will always be the mother of his son – and that is a very special role indeed.
You and I did not plan to be in each other’s lives. I did not plan to raise another woman’s son and I bet you did not plan on sharing your son with another woman. But even the greatest plans do not always work out. So here we are facing a long future together due to our common bond.
You and I have both watched this little man grow through his first year. We have both been there to soothe his tears, his fevers, and his teething pains. We have both been there to enjoy his beautiful smiles, first teeth, and growing skills. I know we have both shared these moments in different settings, in different houses, and at different times; but they were significant for us both.
You and I share parts of his wonderful life. Every precious late night, early morning, or sleep deprived moment that my step-son cries for me I am so grateful I can be there. When he is clingy I do not get frustrated or wish he were not in my home. Not a morning goes by where I do not wake in search for his face and voice, only to realise he is with you, his mum. As much as I would love to keep him full time, I know in my heart that what is best for him is to spend time with his whole family. It takes a tribe to raise a child.
You and I will both continue to be there for this little boy as he grows into himself. While we will never be each other, and he will never have two birth mums; I believe he is blessed to have two strong females to lead him through this world. I will never replace you as his birth mum in my home, but you will never replace me as his step-mum in yours.
You and I so far on this journey have not been able to be friends. It saddens me that you are not willing to accept me as part of your son’s life. Sadder too that you choose to strike out against me even though my step-son is still too young to understand. Not every human was designed to be best friends, throw in our complex situation and I can empathise that it is more difficult than others. But as adults I feel we need to move on; not just for us but for our little boy.
You and I do not have to continue on this current path. I want to love you and be able to enjoy your presence in my future. I will never be able to thank you for the joy your son has brought to my life. I pray that I never live up to the picture of a horrible step-mum you have painted for me.
You and I have many years ahead of us in this journey. My step-son’s sister is due to be born in just 4 months. Our children will be raised together in one family, but not in one home. I hope that if you read this you are able to know that I offer you love and an open hand to hold yours.
You and I are both mothers who will hopefully also be good friends.
Top Comments
I don't understand the whole paranoia parents have about being "replaced" by step parents. My son has a step mother & I am over the moon that he has another adult in his life who wants the best for him and loves him and is there for him. I gave birth to him, but I don't "own" him, I am his mother and he is my son but that does not mean he only exists in relation to me. He is a brother and a friend and a classmate and in my not unbiased opinion a delightful boy that anyone would love. His relationship with his step mother does not take away from his relationship with me any more than his having friends at school would. His step mother contributes to decisions regarding his upbringing because she is not an uninvolved bystander, she is his fathers wife and she is taking responsibility for his health, happiness and education when he is with her and his father. My son has 2 women who love him to bits and 2 women who want him to grow up into a happy healthy wonderful man, he has 2 women who do all the "mum" things for him so as far as I'm concerned my son has 2 mums and his second mum is no threat to my relationship with him. An adoptive parent is still a parent, biology is not the be all and end all of parenting, and I take offence when people minimise the role of step parents, it is still parenting with all the responsibilities and pressures that come with trying to raise a decent human being.
I think some of you are still mad that your relationship with your ex husband didnt work out, and thats why you put nasty comments like this.
From what i can read from this article, the mum and dad relationship would have ended recently and probably in bad terms. So the mum doesnt accept the step-mum because of this relationship not because of the child and taking the role as a mum.Which i can understand, it takes time and maturity to let go of something you thought would be forever.
I am in both side of the fence, i have two kids with my ex husband and share custody and my partner has a daughter with his ex wife. So my kids have a step-mum and i am a step-mum as well.My ex husband and i didnt break up in bad term and are still best friend so thats why i am thankful my kids can have love and guidance from both of them when they are at their house. When they come to my house they will have the same from my partner and myself.
When his daughter is with us, i will treat her exactly the same way i treat my kids. I am there for her if she needs it, and i can trust that my kids step mum will get the same whilst at their father's house.
How can you not act like a mother to your step kids?
I dont understand the logic coming from some of your comments. What exactly do you expect? If her step son will ask her for advice, or love or he hurts himself she should not comfort him the same way her mum would do??? Are we supposed to say i cant read you a story tonight because i am not your mum?
Or i cannot communicate with your teacher to help you improve at school because i am not your mum?
In my situation, when there is parents meeting we go there together the 4 parents of our kids because we are all going to help them in our ways and we should all be on the same page.
We all talk together, we all know if our kids are happy or if they need anything from us.It works for us... it works for the kids.
Finally! Some common sense instead of revenge, bitterness, spite and venom.