8 things we'd rather do than watch State of Origin tonight.

Apparently, there’s a sports game on TV tonight.

This is what I know:

Two teams are playing a sport that is not AFL (or ballet, or bobsledding). It is called the State of Origin, which either means the players are playing for the Australian state they originated from, or they are all from one area called Oforigin and the game is happening there.

Um… that’s it. That’s all I know.

I’m all for people watching sports. I love to see a woman wrapped head to toe in her team’s sporting colours, swearing at the umpire and badmouthing the opposition. Some of the Mamamia team are really excited. They are wearing maroon or blue scarves and saying sport things like ‘defense’ and ‘Billy Slater’ and ‘stop asking me stupid questions Lucy, it’s too hard to explain the rules in one sentence’.

So good for them. May they enjoy watching the men with the big necks.

But I’ve got other plans. These are suggestions from the other half of the office, who are wearing normal-coloured, non-blue-or-maroon clothes today.

Things we could do instead of watching the State of Origin game.

1. Watch Family Feud on repeat.

Surely, the more you watch it, the less you want to bite off your arm and throw it at the television, right?

2. File our eyeballs.

Round tips or square tips? Tough call.

3. Clean the toilet.

Because nothing says ‘fun night in’ like lemon-scented bleach.

4. Watch the people watching the game.

Go team team. Drink every time someone wearing ugg boots tells the players how to play.

5. Go to the dentist.

I’ve been putting it off for four years, maybe tonight is the night.

6. Read the dictionary.

Aardvark, abacus, abalone…

7. Sleep.

Time to catch up on all that sleep I’ve lost since I was 2.

8. Get a headstart on my next tax return.

Just kidding.

But seriously. Good luck to the teams, and to all the excited fans watching around the country. May the best team the team with the players who are nicest to their mothers win.