They grow up so fast don’t they? One day you’re reading “Where Did I Come From?”. The next day they’re stealing your condoms. Carol* writes about teenage sex….
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I have a lovely 16 year old daughter who has been seeing her boyfriend (aged 17) for a while. This is her first really serious boyfriend and he is very respectful and caring towards her. The relationship developed after a long period of getting to know each other. My daughter and I have a close relationship (although not without its rough patches).
On Sunday she brought up the subject that at some time in the next few months they may begin having sex. I know that she is not rushing into this and is aware that it is a big decision.
We’ve talked before about how sex can change relationships and about waiting for the right time and the right person. She feels that she is getting to a point where she is ready to take that step, however, I feel that she is still too young.
We talked a bit more last night, about her relationship with her bf – whether she feels any pressure from him and if they have discussed the possibility at all. She said they had talked about sex – he isn’t a virgin but knows that she is and she feels no pressure from him. We talked about her friends that have begun sexual relationships and have been unable to tell their parents.
My daughter also said that my reaction on Sunday (a short period of silence) worried her as she thought I was going to be angry or disappointed with her. I explained I just needed some time to digest what she had said and to respond in a considered way.
The problem is I don’t know how I should react to this teenage sex– part of me wants to put my foot down and keep her my little girl for as long as possible (or the illusion at least ) but another part of me recognises that she is growing up and that I have raised her to be capable of making her own decisions. I don’t want her to think that I don’t respect her or trust her but I also don’t want to come across as the permissive anything goes parent.
I was 17 when I lost my virginity and certainly didn’t discuss it with my mother – I went to the family planning clinic for contraception and got most of my info from mags like Dolly and then later Cleo and Cosmo. The parents of her friends seem to have almost decided that now their children are 15 or 16 they ‘will just let them get on with it’ and don’t share my concerns about continuing to guide my children into adulthood. So I have no example of how to deal with this situation. And I am terrified that I will say the wrong thing and damage our relationship.
I would like to know how other parents have handled this with their teenagers…and how your parents handled it if and when you told them…..teenage sex
Top Comments
It is also important for young ladies to know the raise in the risk of cervical cancer that comes from having sex too early. Most sex ed does not teach that fact.
I think it's fantastic that you have a daughter that talks to you about this. they seem to have a good relationship & if she's not feeling pressured then she can really have a think about what she wants to do. You only get one life & there are so many forks in the road to make a choice at that you just have to make the best one you can at the time. Being able to talk it over with her mum & gain from your experience I think has to be the best source of advice she could have. I wish you both well & hope that when my 12 & 8 yr olds get to that stage I'll have done the same excellent ground work with our relationship. :-)