Trigger Warning: This post deals with issues of sexual assault and violence and may be triggering for survivors of abuse.
US writer and actress Lena Dunham has paid tribute to the “beautiful words” of Tom Meagher, the husband of murdered Melbourne woman Jill, on her Instagram.
The 28-year-old posted the following screenshot from The Danger of the Monster Myth, Meagher’s powerful essay on violence against women.
Dunham accompanied the post with a paragraph impressing the importance of including men in conversations about violence against women, saying that “women speaking about assault shouldn’t scare you.”
“It should excite you, because you will have happier, more engaged and empowered partners who trust you and open up to you.
“I fucking love men, I want to be in dialogue with men.
“Tom Meagher used his wife’s unspeakable death to create dialogue, so bless the fuck out of him,” Dunham wrote.
In his essay published in April this year, Meagher wrote of the reality that unlike his wife Jill most women are killed by people they know, not by “monsters lurking on busy streets”.
He said that men need to the included in the discourse around violence, so that the agency of perpetrators is not forgotten.
“While the vast majority of men abhor violence against women, those dissenting male voices are rarely heard in our public discourse, outside of the monster-rapist narrative. Indeed, the agency of male perpetrators disappears from the discussion, discouraging male involvement and even knowledge of the prevalence and diversity of male violence against women,” he wrote.
“Even the term ‘violence against women’ sounds like a standalone force of nature, with no subject, whereas ‘men’s violence against women’ is used far less frequently.”
Dunham recently revealed her own experience of rape in a chapter of her book Not That Kind Of Girl, describing it as “a really, really terrifying thing for me to put into the world.”
Read Tom Meagher’s essay here or watch him speak about his loss on ABC’s 7.30 program below.
Top Comments
Awesome that she's supporting Tom. I just cannot fathom how Tom goes on and how brave he is to speak up.
I remember reading Tom's essay, how powerful it was and what a deep impression it made on me. He spoke directly to my sociologist's heart on a topic which is never far from my thoughts and experience. Despite the wounds of his personal loss, he spoke with clarity, objectivity and analytical rigour (soz, can't help the odd academic word seeping in) - which wasno mean feat. I remember when it was posted here on Mamamia, there were so many negative comments, so much predictable emotional knee jerk backlash. Here was a man prepared to work to get a dialogue going about how to instigate real social change and people were taking cheap shots and shooting him down. It was and is so sad.
Have to agree. The whole issue of mens violence towards women is I think one of the most important we as a society face. Glib and offhand emotional responses will give no answers to how change can be initiated. The judgement of victims and how they behave, act. , what they wear, etc do not address deeply held bias against how women should/ must act. These judgements I believe are deeply ingrained in traditional male and female roles as defined by society.