by ANNA SPARGO-RYAN
You might have seen this news story around last week – a former Geelong Grammar School student and her mother are suing the school because she did not get into law. She claims the school did not support her, the school notes she did not finish all her work.
So with that in mind – writer and former private-school student Anna Spargo-Ryan has listed the 6 things she would sue her private school for…
1. I got divorced
I went to a presbyterian private school. It failed to teach me the value of being married in the eyes of God and staying together no matter what the circumstance. Now I just marry whoever is up for it all the time.
2. When I try to add things up at the supermarket, I always end up shooting people with finger guns and then getting arrested
My school taught me to do mental arithmetic via a brilliant and socially acceptable game called Mental Shootout. Unfortunately, this is now the only way I can successfully complete mental arithmetic tasks. Shop clerks hardly ever play with me and it causes me embarrassment.
3. I don’t know when to take my blazer off
Years of being threatened with undercover uniform inspectors have left me with severe paranoia about the appropriate time to take off my blazer. Is it 5pm? Is it when I get home? Unfortunately I now feel that I have to keep it on in the shower for my own safety.
4. All other ovals now look small by comparison
I’m constantly disappointed by the size of the ovals I visit. My private school intentionally sabotaged my ability to enjoy moderately sized ovals by providing me with excessively large ovals.
5. People have unrealistic expectations of my level of awesome
Whenever I say “I went to this private school” people immediately assume that I must be incredibly awesome. Although I am moderately awesome, I consistently fail to meet their expectations. Unfortunately this means that most of the people in my life are disappointed most of the time.
6. I think my kids are lame because they go to a public school
I am ashamed to go out in public with them while they are in their public school uniform. Sometimes they say things like “We went on an excursion to the shops down the road” instead of “We went on a plane to our sister school in China” and I can barely hide my contempt for them. Sometimes I wonder if I really love them at all.
Anna is the Digital Producer for Australia’s longest running TV show. She blogs here and you can find her on Twitter at @annaspargoryan.
What would you sue your school for?
Top Comments
Well I'd like to sue my public school for my 20 odd year smoking habit. Back in the 80s smoking was still 'what the cool kids did' and you could smoke in planes, on public transport... at my first job I had an ashtray on my desk!! So yeah, I'd like to sue them for allowing smoking in years 11 and 12. Our Yr 11 & 12 art teacher used to let us smoke in CLASS because it "helped our creative juices" (I still can't paint or draw to save my life, but by crikey I can do a blinding smoke ring!!) Oh yes, I kid you not. Our headmaster was actually on A Current Affair (or whatever it e 80's) explaining his reasoning. "If you want them to act like adults, you have to treat them like adults" about summed it up. I remember my parents seeing him on telly saying that the year before I was due to start attending. Dad said "we're not sending her there".... but they did. Perhaps I should sue my parents for sending me there in the first place? They even went as far as restricting it to year 11 & 12 students and only on the "upper school" balcony... but did they police it??? nooooo. Eventually (after I left school) they moved the designated smoking area to the science lawn because non smokers were complaining (and well with their rights, I might add) that the smoke was stinking out the balcony and the classrooms. Of course, it's all stopped now......hmmmm I didn't smoke when I started high school, but thanks to their encouragement to behave like an adult, I was addicted by the time I graduated.
ok, so as a footnote I agree that it was my choice and I can quit whenever I chose (in theory) but still.... really?
HAHAHAHA. This article was HILARIOUS.
I especially loved the Blazer part - can definitely relate to that one!!
We weren't allowed to wear out jumper with our summer uniform under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. so I would sue my school for constant confusion and anxiety during those summer months when it's actually cold enough to warrant a jumper.
Do I risk it? Or is being cold better than spending an hour in detention on a Tuesday arvo?