Kids' party bags are a waste of your time. Just. Stop.

Going to a children’s party this weekend? Or (shudder) are you hosting a kids’ party this weekend?

If your child is in preschool or primary school, the answer to this question is probably yes. It’s a scientifically proven fact that parents of children under the age of 11 go to approximately 4 million children’s parties annually. Each.

And as every parent who’s ever organised a kids’ birthday party knows, there’s a LOT more to it than a few streamers and some cake. But there’s something we need to get strike off that birthday party list, something we need to, as a secret society of parents, just bloody agree to.

PARTY BAGS ARE BULLSHIT.

You can hear my This Glorious Mess co-host Andrew Daddo and I talking about why this is, here:

You see, all I hear everywhere I go in parentland is how freaking busy we all are. How overwhelmed and overscheduled and anxious we feel that we don’t have enough time to give our kids.

We’re a generation of parents barreling around the place in a chaotic whirlwind, dropped balls trailing behind us like a trail of organic breadcrumbs.

So, if we all have TOO MUCH TO DO and we’re trying to focus on quality and meaningful interaction, can we all just come together and agree on something?

Filling 25 tiny tasteful paper bags (or, if you’re me, those cheap plastic ones you get from the $2 shop) with teeny-tiny, easily-shatterable toys, bubble-solution without handles and sugary lollies with a minus-10 nutritional value ration is NOT A GOOD USE OF OUR TIME.

Holly and Andrew, hosts of This Glorious Mess. (Image:Supplied.)

Dividing them into boys' bags and girls' bags and remembering who can have Snickers and who's kids are vegan and whether you need to do another pile for the toddler siblings... No wonder we're all stressed.

It's a pointless, empty tradition that just sits on your to-do list, taunting you.

Why do we do it to ourselves? Why can't we conspire to get rid of such time-sucking nonsense?

I can hear you yelling at your phone right now. You're saying - BECAUSE OF THE CHILDREN. THE MAGIC OF BIRTHDAYS. IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU, YOU SELFISH, LAZY WOMAN.

Well, I am thinking of the children. Do they need to be taught that they should be rewarded for celebrating their friends' milestones? We've all seen (cough, had) those kids who loiter around the hostess after the cake, with their hand out for loot bags.

(Image:iStock.)

What? The carefully selected balance of healthy vs tasty finger food wasn't enough for you? The party games? That magician who may or may not be Uncle Andre in a cape? The CAKE I spent all night crying over?

ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED, little people?

It's time to take a stand, parents.

It's time to save time, money and stress, parents.

Because there's nothing wrong with a soggy slice of cake wrapped in a serviette.

Do you do party bags for your kids' birthdays?

Listen to the full episode of This Glorious Mess below, where Holly and Andrew discuss everything from Shopkins to Icelandic parents to sleeeeep.

For more episodes, subscribe to the show in iTunes, find it on the Mamamia podcast app, or via your podcast app of choice.