ROSIE: Why are all The Bachelor women so afraid to admit what they want?

Serious Bachie thoughts time.

Has anyone else noticed that a lot of the women on this season of The Bachelor Australia seem to be preoccupied with not coming across as ‘girly’?

First (and most obviously since she’s totally laid back and cool), it was Totally Laid Back Cool Girl Heather. Whenever it came time for her to talk about her thoughts or feelings with Bachie Wood, she would continuously apologise to him for being ‘so girly’.

Then there was Parmigiana (sorry – Snezana), who had a legitimate reason to be upset with The Bachelor, and when she tried to talk to him about what he’d done and how it had made her feel, she also kept apologising for being ‘so girly’. Not to mention Nina, who last night desperately tried to convince Bachie that she could be girly (‘softer’ and ‘quieter’) when he told her he that was nervous about how loud and opinionated she was.

So what is up with this ‘girly’ shit? Why have the bachelorettes adopted it as a negative term, used to describe any behaviour that they think they should be ashamed of?

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It’s made me sad every time I’ve seen it happen on the show, because these women are basically using the term ‘girly’ as a replacement for “things I shouldn’t do as a woman because I know that men hate them.” These women are trying their hardest to be laid back and cool, to be low-maintenance, to be drama-free, to be easy. They’re pretending they don’t care that The Bachelor is dating several other girls. They’re pretending they don’t care that they have to act like they enjoy doing things they would never do otherwise. They’re pretending they’re okay with having a brief, fun chat with him, when what they really want to do is talk about the confusion and emotional turmoil they’re experiencing. They’re pretending, because they all want to stay appealing to a man.

And that’s bullshit.

As a woman, there is nothing wrong with expressing your feelings, the good and the bad. There is nothing wrong with having expectations and wanting those expectations to be met. There is nothing wrong with having high standards, there is nothing wrong with admitting when you’re upset and there is nothing wrong with knowing what you want and refusing to compromise on that.

Any partner who tells you otherwise, any partner who tries to convince you that you’re being ‘high-maintenance’ or difficult for wanting to be treated with respect, is gaslighting you.

And that partner needs to fuck right off, to be honest.

You can here Rosie discuss the Bachie Cool Girl phenomenon on this week’s episode of Mamamia Outloud:

There is nothing wrong with being high-maintenance when it comes to how you expect to be treated. In fact, being high-maintenance in that regard makes you a pretty impressive human being.

I expect guys to message me back. That’s one of my things. I recently broke up with someone because he would take days to respond to me. and when I told him how upsetting that was to me, he insinuated that I was being high-maintenance and exhausting. He was therefore locked out of my vagina.

Because you deserve to be yourself, you deserve to have expectations, and you deserve to have someone love you for being that person with those expectations. Anything less is not enough.

So if, like it seems to have on The Bachelor this season, the definition of girly has changed to mean “things I shouldn’t do as a woman because I know that men hate them,” then I’m proud to say that I’m girly as shit. I expect the men I’m with to treat the way I deserve. I expect to be able to talk about my feelings and have expectations and know what my standards are when it comes to how I’m treated. If that’s being girly, then that’s me.

And any man who finds that too high-maintenance or too difficult? Well, there’s the fucking door.

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Listen to more of Rosie on this weeks episode of Mamamia Out Loud , in iTunes or below: