Hero, Shocker and Whinger of the Week.

Welcome to Hero, Shocker and Whinger of the week.

This is the place where we come together each week to reflect on someone who amazed us, someone who shocked us and someone who had a bit of a tanty.

Let’s get the ball rolling.

Whinger of the Week goes to…

Who could it be but poor Bachie Blake Garvey, who’s been doing the interview rounds talking about how hard it was for him to date 30 women.

First he went on The Project with Carrie Bickmore, where the audience practically laughed him off the screen.  Then he tried to get our sympathies by saying how deeply disappointed he was that his relationship with Sam hadn’t worked out.

And finally, Rosie Waterland received a letter from someone who sounded very familiar (and muscly), begging for advice from her ‘Ask Rosie’ column… We can’t confirm nor deny that it was Bachie, but click here to see for yourself.

Shocker of the Week goes to…

The ‘Handie’. And yes, it does exactly what you’re thinking it does.

Described by its creators as the ultimate “all-in-one finishing tool for men”, this new silicone handjob robot offers men the ability to, um, upgrade their orgasm.

The glove-like tool boasts features such as self-lubrication, vibration and stimulation, all topped off with the super-Handie ‘catcher unit’.

But for all its super dooper features, we can’t help thinking the Handie looks a bit like a superhero-inspired bionic glove made of raspberry jelly.

Aaaaaanndd finally, Hero of the Week goes to…

The poor teenager whose mum filmed him after dental surgery. Because Beyoncé.

The young man, who is filmed with a mouthful of gauze and blood, asks the only reasonable question for someone in his situation: “Where’s Beyoncé?”.

When his mum finally lets on that “Beyoncé couldn’t make it,” he looks tragically heartbroken as he says that “she promised she’d be here”.

Take a look for yourself:

Want more from Mamamia? We’ve just launched a new podcast called Mamamia Out Loud.

Hosted by Kate Leaver with Mia Freedman and Rosie Waterland, it’s a smart, funny, candid chat about sexting, clean-eating, The Bachelor, Lena Dunham, George and Amal Clooney, and (inexplicably) vintage Polly Pockets.

Download the very first episode — The Bachelor Aftermath Episode. You can get it on iTunes here. Or download the audio file directly here.