Monty Dimond: 'Marriage has never been part of our plans'

by MONTY DIMOND

Is there an expiry date to calling our partners “Boyfriend” or “Girlfriend” once we reach a certain age? I’ve been in a relationship for eight years with the same man and last year we welcomed our first offspring (a baby boy who we are rather fond of).

In between getting together and spawning a child there hasn’t been any wedding bells. I am completely aware we bought a one way ticket straight to hell for having our child out of wedlock but we are both ok with this.

Marriage has never been part of our plans… we have discussed it a few times but never felt the need to actually tie the knot. We are rather content in our ringless relationship. For the last eight years we have proudly called each other ‘Boyfriend’ and ‘Girlfriend’ and this has worked brilliantly for us.

I never gave it a second thought… until I turned 30 and became a mum.  Now that I am all grown up and real mature, calling Sam* my “boyfriend” doesn’t seem to fit anymore . (*I will refer to my boyfriend as Sam…because that is his actual name.)

Because we are raising a child together it seems like we need a title that makes our relationship sound a little more solid.  Boyfriend gives the feeling that at any moment his best mate might tell me I’m dropped and ask me to return his Green Day CD.

The worst part is getting the pity look from people when I introduce Sam as my boyfriend. The “Oh you poor bitch, he’s knocked you up and won’t marry you” look.

We have started to flirt with some other names hoping one will begin to feel right.

‘Partner’
The obvious choice for most couples living in sin but it feels very formal to me. Almost like we are running a business together. Partner can also refer to a same sex relationship. Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with people assuming I’m a lesbian, but it’s not ideal for Sam’s masculinity.

‘Baby Daddy’
Technically this is what Sam is. He is the daddy of my baby. However I am far too white to say “baby daddy” and be taken seriously.

‘Life Partner’
I may have just done a little vom in my mouth after typing that. This title is intense and makes me feel uncomfortable. Even a tad claustrophobic. Not even a slight possibility.

‘De facto’
This feels even more formal and business like than Partner. You can’t roll over in bed, gaze tenderly into ones eyes and whisper “I love you my de facto”. The romantic music would screech to a violent halt. It simply doesn’t flow.

‘My Better Half’
Said with an English accent this is very sweet, loving and romantic. Said with an Aussie occa accent it is boganic and sarcastic. Unfortunatly Sam and I don’t sound like Hugh Grant so we would tip the bogan scale using this title.

Katie “Monty” Dimond is a broadcaster and media personality. She has appeared on Channel Ten, Channel Nine, and Nova FM. She is currently busy being a full time Mum to her one year old son and will feature in a new ABC comedy series with Merrick Watts coming soon.

Over to you. What title or label do you and your partner rock?