A night out with your friends ? Who pays? What about when you are on a date or with your partner? What happens when you don’t have the same spending power as your group of friends? Mamamia reader Bev* writes:
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“First, a little bit of background info: I’m 20 and have been with my partner for 18 months. We both just returned from Europe, and I’m struggling to find a job, while he walked straight into one the following Monday after returning, hired by a relative. His parents are well off and support him, while my Mum is a struggling single mother with 4 kids.
I prefer to spend what little money I have on the occasional dinner or movies with my boyfriend or breakfast with the girls. My boyfriend, on the other hand, prefers to go clubbing. When he wants me to go out with him, I usually (but not always) do, but I can’t buy any drinks or food, can’t go between different clubs due to entry fees. So it’s a largely unenjoyable night as I am sober and worrying about how much money the taxi home is going to be, while surrounded by drunk people putting 50 bucks through the pokies.
A group of friends are going on a holiday and I was planning to borrow money from family to go. But after looking at flights etc I have decided I probably can’t afford it. My boyfriend is still going to go. I feel like I compromise to do the things he wants, but feel betrayed that he is still going on the holiday without me, especially when it’s all couples and one person’s brother going. I can’t very well ask or tell him not to go, so what do I do instead? I would love to know the Mamamia-ers’ opinions. Am I being a drama queen or is there something valid here? Has anyone been in a situation like this?”
Has money got in the way of your relationships? Friendships? What happens when someone you love has a very different looking bank account to you?
Top Comments
I think your boyfriend is being selfish. You need to sit down and talk to him and tell him how you feel. I would be hurt too if I was your age and my boyfriend went holidaying without me. I am dating a man who is going through a protracted property settlement with his wife (not ex as they are not divorced). He pays her spousal maintenance (according to the law he has to keep her in the lifestyle she is accustomed to!) of $400 a week plus $200 a week for child maintenance for his daughter. He also pays all outgoings on the property she is living in until it is sold plus his wife's health care, child's college fees, all phone bills and extra spending money ie formals, holidays for both of them?? He is renting a unit until the property is sold. This was all negotiated through solicitors. That is his business I know. What gripes me is that I pay half of everything (dates, holidays, concert tickets, outings, meals) even though my income is substantially less than his while his wife and daughter live the high life. I usually don't mind as I am independent and always have been but if I am really honest I will say it irks me a little that he doesn't make the effort to "spoil" me every now and then and shout me dinner or a weekend away. :/
My boyfriend and I still don't share money and we've been together 4 years - he's 23 and I'm 21.
We live together, but I pay for my own food and all that jazz. I prefer the independence that comes with that. I like not relying on someone and I don't want him to feel responsible for me.
But I can understand the sting of him going on holidays with your friends without you - that's something that wouldn't sit very well with me. Since we've been together my boyfriend has holidayed in Canada, the US and Japan, all without me because I can't afford to go (that, and he deserves a life outside of me). But when you've made an effort for him, I don't think it's too much of an ask for him to make an effort for you.
But unlike a few others MMers, I don't think you need to "share" everything in a relationship, including money. When you're married, maybe it makes things easier. For a young couple still finding their way in the world, I think it makes things more complicated.