Reader Story: "Six days ago my husband left me. Our baby is due in May."

By ANONYMOUS

Where do I start…

It’s 5:39am on Saturday 26^th April 2013 and I am experiencing my son’s “first sleepover” with his Daddy.  He is now a statistic.  A kid from a broken home.  He doesn’t seem to understand it yet, but the mother in me makes my heart break for him.

Today all I can think of is numbers.  Six days a go my husband, the man I have spent the last 10 years and 6 months with told me he has met another woman and he is leaving me.  It is now 27 days until our second child is due to be born by c-section.  Yesterday, was the 10^th anniversary of our engagement.  As my ex keeps pointing out to me, I am not the first woman whose husband has left her — but why I am I feeling like I am?

You know what is the most frustrating thing for me?  I don’t hate him.  In fact, I still love him.  Ridiculous isn’t it? How can I possibly love a man who walked out on me less than five weeks before the birth of our second child and in the same week as our 5-year-old boy has being diagnosed with ADHD?  And the reason why?  I spent 10 ½ years with this man, I know that he is a good person with a good heart.  I would not have married him and created 2 babies with him if I thought he was not of good character.

We have being together since we were 19 and 20.  Married at 22 and 23, in hindsight maybe we were too young?  My husband – let’s call him Jeremy – certainly thinks that he has missed out on his freedom during these years.  I guess I have being waiting 10 years for him to grow up and it has never happened.

Jeremy has always being searching for happiness and self fulfillment and has never found it. Whilst always being an excellent provider for us, and never unemployed, he was never settled in his job.

For 10 years Jeremy worked pretty much for the same employer, but was always changing jobs within the company, and I of course justified it to myself and everyone by saying that it wasn’t his passion.

Well, in October last year Jeremy followed his dream and enrolled in full time studies in music.  That same week we found out that I was 5 weeks pregnant.  After actively trying for 6 months, Jeremy had changed his mind on a 2^nd child and decided that he wanted to go back to school, so we made the decision to stop… and if it was meant to be, we would try again in another 12 – 18 months. Otherwise, our little boy would be fulfilling enough for us.

I wanted Jeremy to realise his dream — I never thought that 6 months later he would be realising his dream, and my world would be crashing down around me.  Jeremy thought that he would have to stay working in his full time job, but I encouraged him to still start his course because at the time we didn’t know if I was going to hold onto this baby — and whilst it will be difficult financially we could make it work.

As I had told everyone, even if Jeremy ever left me I could never go through another pregnancy with a new partner because of how sick I get.  Geez, I wish I hadn’t jinxed myself.

I told the obstetrician this week that I would not have the procedure, not sure if it is me being hypocritical or not — but I don’t think that I should be making any major decisions when I am so emotional.

I’m not angry, yet… I am so hurt and so, so sad that our baby girl will never know what it is like to live with her mummy and daddy.  I even asked Jeremy to give us another chance.  Not to move back in — but to start from scratch and see if we can give it another go. If it didn’t work out, at least we could say we gave it 110%. I suppose Jeremy had to be cruel to be kind, and has made it clear that his decision is final.

We have remained on good terms this week, probably because — if I am honest with myself — I want him to come back to me. But I also desperately need and want his support over these next few weeks, but I am beginning to doubt that he will come through for me.

The author of this piece is known to Mamamia, but has chosen to remain anonymous.

If you have ever been in a similar situation or have loved someone who has, we would appreciate you sharing your words of support or advice for the writer.