Deal-breakers are very individual things. Particularly when you, um, cross into the sexual realm. For example, a lively debate broke out in the Mamamia office this week on the subject of whether it would be more disconcerting to discover your partner was gay or a cross-dresser. Which inspired our intrepid sex correspondant to write the following post….
“Recently, my husband and I were lying in bed watching TV together after making wild, passionate love (okay, after sharing a bowl of ice cream whilst I tweeted on my laptop).
We flicked stations indifferently and ended up with a doco on SBS. It was about a nice middle aged man, his wife, and his rather unusual hobby. It was really interesting stuff. Except that after two minutes of viewing time, I shot bolt upright in our bed and yelled “Deal breaker. DEAL BREAKER!!!” Because, as supportive as I am of my husband having hobbies (easy to do when he pretty much has none other than working and watching docos on SBS,) there is no WAY I could cope him doing that.
You see, as it turned out, the nice middle aged man had a rather unsettling pastime.
He was a cross dresser.
Now, there are many possible factors that can put strain on a marriage. Financial pressures, difficult relationships with the in-laws, working too much, working too little, not enough sex, too much sex, eating the last spoonfuls of Nutella when I am downstairs putting the kids to bed (and no, dear, I am not ready to forgive you). Still, many issues can be resolved, at least with time.
However, each person in a relationship has their own deal breaker, and possibly several. Something their partner could say or do that would put a nail in the coffin of their love forever, a hurdle that could never, ever be overcome.
For me, cross dressing is one of them.
Now, I don’t have anything against cross dressers at all. Far from it. I love a good tranny. However, the thought of my own husband borrowing my clothes and makeup and going out on the town dressed up as a girl called Tallulah is about as disturbing to me as him growing a second head which dribbles and sings songs by Justin Bieber. It’s just wrong in a hundred ways.
Interestingly, not every woman feels this way. In fact, the website www.crossdresserheaven.com tells many stories of women who have accepted their male partner’s need to wear women’s clothes, such as Charlie below. And, although Charlie’s partner ‘Veronica’ is bisexual, interestingly, most cross dressing males are actually straight.
Hello, I’m Charlie. I just want to start off by saying that I am a woman. This is a short story about my boyfriend and sometimes girlfriend Veronica. How I came to find out about her crossdressing and how we are doing now. I hope this brings encouragement to other Crossdressers and transgendered ladies out there.
When I met Veronica, love just existed, like some outside force pulled us together. When I started staying over at his house I always noticed little feminine things, like the way he (at the time) sat, sometimes the way he looked over his shoulder and giggled.. in a way I thought of it as girlishly cute…
As time progressed our relationship began to get a little rocky, we actually were in an argument when he told me “I like to wear womens lingerie sometimes”, I responded with a surprised, “what?!”. He then proceeded to yell, “I’m a cross dresser”. At first I was in shock, I had never encountered anything like that before. I was a bit distant for the firstday or so, I had to collect my thoughts and figure out whether I could handle a crossdressing (he also admited he was bisexual at the same time) boyfriend. I decided I would try because I was verr in love with him.
I had a lot of questions, and he was completely open and honest with me. I began to feel more comfortable with the idea of my boyfriend in panties as we continued to talk. Eventually I looked at pictures and to my surprise, he looked verry sexy in drag. To be honest I was a bit turned on by his provocative debut.
I decided that him and I should go shopping and buy him some things. Our shopping trip was a bit frusturating for us in the fact that he was nervous and I didnt know what to pick for him. (just a tip: work out a plan if your not ready to be open with your transness yet). When our shopping trip was over he dressed up for me, and I realy liked it.
We have had other personal troubles but her crossdressing has actually brought us closer. I love the night’s when we are not us as the world knows us. I love getting her dressed and doing her make up and turning my boyfriend into my beautiful Veronica.
So what do you think? Could you cope with seeing your male partner in panties (Eeeeeuw! Kerri said “panties”! That’s almost more disturbing than the thought of a man wearing some – Mia) and heels? Or would you lock up your dresses and say farewell forever?
Top Comments
Just to clarify, there are cross-dressers, transvestites and the transgendered. All three are different but I think some of the posters have them confused.
My ex's cross dressing was a deal breaker - as was his absolute denial and refusal to discuss it despite bringing home a bag full of women's underwear as an introduction for me!!. I was in shock told him to chuck them and then regardless of counselling and a thousand questions that was it, never discussed again. When I left him last year he was so angry at me (still is) but now has a wardrobe of womens clothes and makeup (one of my children thinks he has a girlfriend, that's how I found out)and all I want to do is scream at him about how I never got to choose my life as the 23yrs we had together were a fiction that he concocted..hmm will stop now or I will vent for hours.
ok I've just read other comments and I want to say that the cross dressing is not to my taste BUT my main problem was the lack of communication about it and that I was never given an opportunity to discuss it with him. It's not like I'm a prude for goodness sake, my first relationship after him was with an openly bi-sexual guy, which didn't bother me in the slightest. I suppose lack of communication was the real deal breaker - sigh