Do you think your parents had a favourite child? This parent does.

By BERN MORLEY

I have three children and I definitely have a favourite. The one that’s not whinging.

Or the one that is not refusing to get dressed. Or the one that cleans up their room without having to be asked 100 times. It’s the one that eats what I cook for dinner without complaint. Sometimes it’s just the one who looks up from whatever it is they are doing when I walk in the door and smiles.

No, I don’t have a favourite child but I have discovered that there is always one that is being favoured.

Jeffrey Kluger, no doubt, would say I am in denial. The American science writer has published a book in which he argues that, whether we admit it or not, parental favouritism is hard-wired into the human psyche. “It is my belief that 95 per cent of the parents in the world have a favourite child, and the other five per cent are lying,” he declares in The Sibling Effect: What the Bonds Among Brothers and Sisters Reveal About Us.

If you were to come to my home and pull out my children’s baby books, you would see Maddison’s, now aged 13, beautiful and complete. Photos echoing every milestone until she started school, her birth weight, the exact time she entered the world through to her first birthday present list.

Then I would hand you Sam’s, now 11. Partially complete. Date and time of birth, check. First birthday details, not so much. There are loose photos shoved in there with good intentions to stick them in the right places.

Jack, now nearly seven, doesn’t even have one. Does this mean Maddie is my favourite? If I were to die today it may very well appear that way. But I think their recollection of our time spent together would be a better indicator.

The thing is, children are all about FAIRNESS. Who got more ice-cream for dessert, who was allowed to stay up longer, who got to ride shotgun. These small and minor incidences can be misconstrued as favouritism in the eyes of a child. ‘You like him more than you like me, he/she is your favourite!”

I guess this is nothing new. As far as I was concerned, my brother was the favourite.

Recently we had a discussion about this and his version of events is very, VERY different. According to him I was the ‘Princess’ of the family. Apparently Mum spent a lot more time (and money) on me and he truly believes he was the one in trouble whilst I allowed to get away with blue murder, leading him to believe that I was her favourite.

I on the other hand, remember a very different version of events. I remember her allowing him to hit the nightclubs at 16 and he only being slapped on the wrist when he was busted for smoking cigarettes behind the school boat shed. I also distinctly remember Mum cooking her beloved son bacon and eggs almost every day of his life until he turned 29. My brother helpfully pointed out that I stopped eating breakfast in year 10. We both had to admit that we were both wrong.

My brother and I are adopted. We were both so desperately wanted by Mum, it is unlikely she favoured one more than the other. Not knowingly anyway. She was probably just trying to keep up and I imagine, sometimes one of us was just simply easier to be around than the other.

So having said that, what would the favourite child ledger look like in my household?

My 13 year old has often said to me that Sam, my 11 year old son is my favourite. Not spitefully just matter-o-factly. Which is probably more disconcerting, that she is so sure of this. And I have to admit, if it were all laid out, she’d probably be right. I don’t mean to but I just have always dedicated more time to Sam. He’s just simply, lovely to be around.

Here’s the thing though, whilst there may be times that I may like spending more time with one more than the other, I will always love them equally. There will always be one that I’m having a better day with than the other. Does that mean they are my favourite?

Yeah, for that moment in time, I guess it does.

Do you have a favourite child? Do you think your parents did?