The idea of parents having a favourite child is controversial. But kids have no qualms about playing favourites with their parents. Did you have a favourite parent? Did your favourite change? Mamamia reader Andy* has this problem with her son and needs some advice. She writes…..
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I wanted to talk about my toddler. More importantly my toddler loving his father more than his mother..
He is 19 months old and we now also have a four month old baby. There was jealousy at the start but now my toddler seems to have wiped me from his Christmas card list.
Particularly embarrassing is when he is misbehaving in public and I go to comfort him, he pushes away and seeks out his father. I’m Mummy – shouldn’t I be the important one? Aren’t I the one who was pregnant for all that time, gave birth and cared for him?
He won’t usually eat anything that I offer him, even if his father is eating the same thing he will push my hand away and point to Daddy.
It has almost got to the point where he is my husband’s baby and our new baby is “my” baby. I feel like I don’t know him as well as my husband does.
I’m really really offended. My guilt and regret over not being able to breastfeed him is at the front of my mind. Did we not bond properly? Does he know that I didn’t know what to do with him when he was a tiny infant and for the most part Daddy took over with a confidence that I never possessed?
I am happily breastfeeding baby number two and can feel a real bond, so did I miss out on that with my toddler. I’m not wanting this to be a post about breastfeeding though.
Does anyone else experience the heart break associated with a child’s rejection? If so does it get better and what did you do about it?
Top Comments
Andy, I have two boys (2 years old and 6 months old) so I know some of the difficulties in caring for two little people at once. My husband and I also feel like we have one child each - feels a bit fractured! I know it feels sad when my toddler prefers his dad, especially days when I give so much time and emotion. I'm also a psychologist and pre-babies worked with children and families. I don't think there's anything you've mentioned that means you don't have a bond with your oldest, or that anything you did has caused him to prefer your husband. And you and your son are blessed that your husband can provide emotional comfort to him. At 19 months it must be so hard to adapt to a new baby and there is so much going on in those little minds that we just can't know about. Adjusting takes longer for some of us (toddlers AND mums) than others, and keep in mind that when the initial business of a new baby subsides, there will be more time to reconnect and bond with each other in new ways. Believe it will get better and easier, and take comfort in the small happy moments.
Andy,
I have a similar situation with my son (my youngest) who is absolutely devoted to my husband and has been since a very young baby. I breastfed him just as long as my daughter (who is biased towards me) so don't feel guilty about that.
I think it has to do with a natural affinity - their personalities are very similar. My son is starting to relate to me more now he is older (nearly 6) but I think deep down he and his father will always have a special connection which I've come to regard as precious. At least we have one each!