"There is never a 'good age' for a woman to have kids. But we do it anyway."

By BERN MORLEY.

What is the best age for a woman to have a child?

As a mother of three I will, in a minute, argue that there is no particularly good time in a woman’s life to have a child. But I’ll be fighting some fairly damning evidence as I do.

See, in statistics released by the ABS (Australian Bureau of Statistics) this week, it would appear that for the first time since 1932, more middle-aged women (that is women aged between 40-44) are having more babies than teenagers. Make no mistake; this really is a game changer for Australia.

So wait though, is this good or bad news?

Let me tell you my own personal experience. I am nudging 40. I had one child when I was 24, one when I was 27 and then another when I was 31. Having a baby at 24, in 2014, would be considered young. It IS young. At 24 you’re still supposed to be studying or in your first job, experimenting with substances and boys you simply shouldn’t. Apparently.

At that age, I myself was studying. I did have a job and yet, through a series of events (mainly being careless with contraception) I found myself pregnant and unmarried.

Yet, this was not what I worried about. In fact, I remember worrying about very little. I was already engaged and although this was earlier than expected, she was most welcome. I wasn’t alone, I had many friends and family who were parents and it felt like the most natural thing in the world for me to delay my “career” and become a mother.

No, we didn’t own a house. No, we weren’t financially “secure”. No we didn’t have a plan. And no, we had no fucking idea what we were supposed to do with a baby. Yet, I can tell you, we figured it out. Sure, we may have done it backwards by today’s standards, but we got there in the end.

It was a different time of course. Now it appears that many women are, through circumstance or desire, putting off having children in favour of study or a career. I am not telling you this, statistics are telling us this.

Of course, a lot of this, this shift from early parenthood, is in large part due to education. Brisbane obstetrician and gynaecologist Brad Robinson said the fact that fewer teenagers were falling pregnant was a testament to increasing education levels, access to contraception and family planning.

There is no point in my writing you a list of pros and cons about being an older or younger parent. Of course the younger we are, the less life experience we have but maybe that makes us parent those babies instinctively, with less bullshit.

Alternatively, if we have them later in life, we are much more secure and able to provide them with more stability and knowledge. All great attributes and all providing different childhood experiences, none of which are wrong.

I grew up with an older mother, she adopted me when she was 45 and I thought many a time as a teenager that I was being ripped off, that the generation gap was far too great. In hindsight I realised that what I learned from her was immeasurable. That her distinct, kind and selfless way of parenting may not have come from my much younger biological mother.

Where does this current research take us, as Australians, however?

Bernard Salt, Australia’s leading demography researcher said that the overall decline of younger women having babies.

“Mirrored the flagging confidence in the economy and modern Australia. The rise in the number of women in their early 40s fits with the whole philosophy of postponement: postponement of commitment, of marriage and of having children”.

According to Mr Salt, many women who had children later in life had “more money, are more established and more sure of themselves”.

As it stands however, most women in Australia are having children in their 30s with the median age of all mothers being 30.8 last year.

And let’s face it; if like me, you know what it feels like to have seen both sides, then you’ll agree that the differences between the 19 and the 40-year-old version of you, are both vast and complex.

Presumably by 40, we are in a better position both mentally and financially to take care of a child. But really, does money and status mean that we are better parents?

I would argue that no. At no point in my life have I ever felt ready to be a parent. Not at 24, not at 27, not at 31 and certainly not if I were to fall pregnant today. Despite being better off than ever before, my shit is NEVER in order.

The thing is, children need love. You don’t need to own a home and have become CEO to provide that. Sure, they need you to be able to protect and shelter them, but you will, some way or another, work out the rest. What they need most is for you to be present and available. You, and only you will know when the time is right.

What about you? Do you think there is a “good” time to have a child? Have you put off having children until the time is right?

No matter the age, these special things about motherhood will overcome you: