Will you be spending a chunk of your weekend alone, even though you’re in a relationships? Lauren* will. And she’s not happy about it. She writes…..
“I am a 26 year old married mother of a three month old baby. I have a devoted, helpful husband who is a fantastic help with our son. The problem is I want more help.My husband plays cricket for seven months of the year socially, every Saturday.
He leaves the house at 10:30am and is home about 8pm. He also trains two nights per week. I am torn between being supportive of this hobby as he works so hard Monday to Friday and feeling resentful at only getting help one day per week.
I am interested to know how other partnered mothers share and compromise their weekends between solo hobbies and time together as a family. I just can’t seem to get the balance right.
Cricket, golf, the pub, work……How do you function as a team and yet still have the time and space to pursue individual passions?”
UPDATE: If you left a comment in the first couple of hours after this post was published on Friday, um, well, I kind of lost it. I’m so sorry, I have no idea what happened but somehow they just….vanished and I can’t seem to find them. I’ve even looked under my desk. No luck.
So. If you were one of the first 50 or so commenters on this post and your comment isn’t here, please don’t think for a moment it was deleted or that you were offensive. It’s my fault not yours…..
And sorry to Lauren for misplacing such invaluable advice.
Top Comments
I can understand why 'married' or 'partenered' mums call their functioning on their own, at weekends when theyre spouses work, play sport or make themselves absent the same thing as being a 'single' parent, but really unless you are actually operating as a single parent with the financial, emotional, social and all other implications of that situation, it is in only a few small ways the same thing. Be careful what you wish for!
It is nice to know that you share some of the same feelings but to say that you operate as a 'single' parent does the 'single' parent a great disservice as we do not get the opportunity to return to partnered life come monday morning when the two income earning family, social acceptability, even the pat on the back at 2am when you go in to settle a 9month teething child for the 11th time kicks in.
As a single parent of 2 small children and recently divorced I see the compromises my married friends make and accept and also the envious looks I get at the free time I have to even shower by myself without a small child banging at the door or smearing weetbix on my newly laundered top.
Life is a compromise but whats a compromise too far? its your decision only... and you may not realise till hindsight hits you square in the eyes.
Hi Lauren,
I can fully concur with your notes above. My beautiful daughter is 16mths old and my husband, only just prior to the birth, decided he would like to have a career change & do something he really enjoys...he's going to become a golf professional (whilst still working full time)! Can you imagine, he still spends every single weekend, Sat & maybe Sunday playing golf and also as many nights of the week as he can. I am working full time & get home after picking up Hayley to cook tea, bath etc etc waiting for his arrival...also have very lonely weekends now, just me & her. The main thing that makes me sad is that he misses all the really fun things Hayley does and all those new moments, words, actions etc...
He has now decided to go out on his own business (he is an electrician), which takes up any spare time he had, but is also continuing with the golf. Hmmmm don't think they cope too well with the change hey?
On the same note my sisters husband did a very similar thing...only not to the extent of my husband! I'm not sure the logic behind all these guys, but it seems more common than uncommon.
Seems our lives change forever, but theirs only bump over a few speedbumps & they're back on track....
Oh, & regarding having time for myself...not sure that is going to happen for a verrrry long time..hehe, but you know what, I wouldn't have it any other way :)
Wow, I so don't ever want to get married. What a dud deal you women get. Is it worth it for the economical security? I also find it insulting that so many of you believe you're 'single' mothers because you have to spend less than 48 hours alone with your children a week. You still have someone to make decisions with, to carry the financial burden, and to occasionally help around the house. But my goodness - marriage is such a dud deal for women especially if you're working too. When are these foolish little boys going to grow out of their disgraceful sense of entitlement? The sad thing is I see the married men in the corporate world 'working late' while going out with young women or taking long lunches with them. It's a man's world and I really wish women would put their foot down. But I guess you're trapped.