GROUP THERAPY: dealing with anxiety disorder

I have an anxiety disorder called “generalised anxiety disorder” which basically means I am anxious about alot of things all the time. What happens is I think of something bad and then I panic about it or I hear something and panic about it. Like today at work a supervisor said “Can I talk to you for a second?” and motioned for me to follow them, I immediately thought the worst my mind going straight to ‘what have I done wrong?’ then after a series of rapid negative thoughts that I could barely keep up with I was thinking I might get fired (I’m actually quite good at my job and havn’t ever done anything to deserve being fired, rationally I know that but in those moments I thought that might be happening) so I was shakey and about to get teary when the supervisor just wanted to ask my opinion about an email they had been sent from another department.

I mostly worry about my family and friends. My Mother sometimes messages me and will say “Can you call me as soon as you can?” and I immediately think something might be wrong with her or my sister or one of my grandparents. I can’t concentrate on anything as I’m imaging the posibilities, none of them good. So I stop what I’m doing straight away and call only to find out she wants to know if I’m free for dinner or something. I have worked at my current job for 18 months and my Mother has called the office once. I was given a message to call her and I was speaking to a customer when I was handed the note. I couldn’t concentrate, had to tell the customer I’d call them back and was holding back tears while dialing my Mother. I was so relieved when nothing was wrong that I cried anyway (I hid it as well as possible from collegues).

I also have a snake phobia. The word phobia is overused and has kinda lost its meaning, I have what is clinically described as a phobia, it’s not just a fear it’s more than that, it’s controlling and persistant and horrible. It has taken over my life, to an extent. I’m not just scared of snakes but other reptiles like lizards. Even those little tiny ‘skinks’ you see on he path or in your garden terrify me! As phobias do it has stretched itself to mean I now avoid anywhere where there might be a snake or lizard. This means any type of bushland, anywhere there is long grass or rocks and sometimes I don’t want to go in my own backyard. The other day I couldn’t get out of my car because something that looked like a blue tongue lizard was sittingon our wizbin. Lucky my fiancé was home so he could come out and save me from what turned out to be a stick. And, being winter, reptiles are in hybernation anyway! The last time I actually saw a snake I had a panic attack, so now I’m also scared that will happen again. The worst part is that it doesn’t seem irrational to me – snakes are deadly! A snake could kill me! When I try to isolate the fear it is difficult, I just know I don’t want to be anywhere near a snake or lizard. And since the panic attack (which was a few years ago but feels like yesterday) I have convinced myself that if I saw a snake in real life or if a lizard came anywhere near me I might have a heart attack (or something) and die.

I am scared to get treatment for the phobia because I know the treatment involves being exposed to snakes & lizards. If I see one on tv I have to change the channel so I’m scared of what the psychologist might make me do! And I know that generalised anxiety is the hardest disorder to work with (because it is so general) so at the moment I don’t feel like there’s any hope for me to get past it.

Some days it’s just hard to just get up and face the day……

*name changed