Every excuse for sexual harassment we've heard in the last three months.

In case you missed it on Thursday, Supersize Me director Morgon Spurlock ousted himself as a perpetrator of sexual misconduct.

In a statement on Twitter, he wrote: “I’m part of the problem.”

Spurlock said that as he watched other influential men brought down by allegations of sexual misconduct, he hadn’t wondered who would be next. He’d wondered when they would come for him. 

So, he came for himself.

In his statement, Spurlock said while in college, he was accused of but never charged with rape.

Later, after making a name for himself in the entertainment industry, he said he paid a settlement to a female assistant who worked at his office, after publicly referring to her as “hot pants” or “sex pants”.

While the statement outlined the accusations that have been levelled against him in the past, Spurlock dabbled in excuses, spitballing potential reasons for his behaviour – reasons that didn’t include the abuse of power or being an arsehole.

So, in the spirit of anger-inducing, illogical, meaningless excuses for abhorrent behaviour, let’s recap a few of our favourite excuses for sexual harassment, shall we?

Morgon Spurlock

In a passage of his admission dedicated to introspection, Spurlock threw around several possible explanations for his behaviour:

“But why? What caused me to act this way? Is it all ego? Or was it the sexual abuse I suffered as a boy and as a young man in my teens? Abuse that I only ever told to my first wife, for fear of being seen as weak or less than a man?

“Is it because my father left my mother when I was child? Or that she believed he never respected her, so that disrespect carried over into their son?

“Or is it because I’ve consistently been drinking since the age of 13? I haven’t been sober for more than a week in 30 years, something our society doesn’t shun or condemn but which only served to fill the emotional hole inside me and the daily depression I coped with. Depression we can’t talk about, because its wrong and makes you less of a person.”

Harvey Weinstein

After being accused of sexual harassment and assault from scores of women in the film industry, Harvey Weinstein took his embattled reputation and admitted himself to rehab. For sex addiction.

Weinstein himself hasn’t said much publicly about the allegations, but his admission into rehab speaks louder than words.

Because of course, sex was always the problem. Not power, abuse and bullying.

Kevin Spacey

When Kevin Spacey was faced with his own accusations of sexual misconduct, his subsequent statement went a little like this: “I was drunk oh, and also, I’m gay! Look over here!”

Well, not exactly, but he did use alcohol as a way of justifying the fact he did not remember an incident in question.

Right.

Don Burke

When interviewed by Tracy Grimshaw about his own allegations of sexual harassment, Don Burke used his undiagnosed Aspergers as an excuse.

It went like this:

Grimshaw told Burke she’d personally heard from a co-worker how he’d once claimed to have “the perfect genes” and that if he reproduced with a particular family member they’d make a “genetically perfect baby”.

Denying the allegation, Burke told Grimshaw he didn’t actually think his genes were “perfect’.

But wait, there’s more!

“I haven’t been medically diagnosed but I’ve worked it out and that’s what I’ve got,” he said. “What it is – and it’s a terrible failing – I have real difficulty looking anyone in the eye.”

Dustin Hoffman

Cc: Roy Moore.

Both Hoffman and Moore said allegations of their own misconduct couldn’t possibly be true because why would a victim wait 40 years to come forward?

Oh, and also, it was different back then. A different time! It was okay to make those jokes.

“I said a stupid thing, but I said it in the midst of the crew, they said their stupid things, but they were sexual in terms of the humour of it. But that’s that team. That’s 40 years ago,” Hoffman recently told John Oliver.

Well that’s okay then.

Louis C.K

When comedian Louis CK was accused, by at least five women, of masturbating in front of them, he issued a public apology.

His official statement said he’d previously thought “it was OK to show women [his] dick” because he always asked them first.

Awesome.

Mark Halperin

After being fired from MSNBC for sexual harassment and misconduct, Mark Halperin released a statement, saying that he did try – really, try! – to get help.

“For several years after my departure from ABC News, I had weekly counselling sessions to work on understanding the personal issues and attitudes that caused me to behave in such an inappropriate manner.”

What’s the most ludicrous explanation you’ve heard a man give for his sexually inappropriate behaviour?

LISTEN: Dustin Hoffman’s excuse for the allegations against him was atrocious. Luckily, John Oliver called him out on it.