Man has vacuum cleaner inked on his penis, blames it for his bad luck with women.

It’s a truth universally acknowledged that teenagers are terrible decision makers.

That’s why they’re not allowed to vote.

Or go to the solarium.

And why they’ll choose a six pack of UDLs in a liquor store full of perfectly not-humiliating booze options. (Kids still drink UDLs, right?)

It’s also why there are laws preventing them from getting tattoos, because tattoos are forever.

Case in point is 21-year-old Lewis Flint, whose 16-year-old self has cursed him with this appalling Henry the Hoover crotch tattoo.

Apparently, it’s ruining his love life.

He explained during a recent appearance on Channel 4’s Bodyshockers:

“When I first got it done aged 16, I couldn’t stop getting it out. I got loads of attention and I was a bit of a local hero. I loved it.

“But I was with a girl recently and I liked her. Things were going well until we got naked.

“When she saw it she said, ‘What’s that? I am off!’ I was gutted. I never thought I would regret my tattoo when I got it done.”

His mum, unsurprisingly, thinks it’s “ridiculous”.

“I completely understand why the poor girl ran away and she could have been a keeper.

“I can’t believe he has had the tattoo, it must be off-putting for a lot of girls. You can’t take him seriously as it is ridiculous.”

Flint attempted to have Henry removed with laser surgery, but couldn’t handle the pain of the procedure because of the tattoo’s, er, sensitive location.

“I thought I would get it done and it would be funny, a bit of attention. The tattooist didn’t know I was only 16.

“I feel like the joke is about me now. I am not telling the joke. Henry needs switching off.”

The moral of the story? Think before you ink.

Feature image: Lewis Flint on Facebook.