DEAR WENDY: Who the hell says we want longer lasting sex?

Do you need some serious, sensitive life advice?

Maybe don’t ask Wendy Squires. But if you want a no bullshit, no niceties and no regrets view on something in your world, Wendy is your woman.

Wendy is childfree and often single. She believes she has copped enough advice over the years and that now it’s time throw some back.

So, without any more fannying around, here’s her first-ever “agony aunt” column for Mamamia.

Dear Wendy,

My partner is ordering some of those “sex drugs” online. He really thinks that our sex should last longer. I already think it lasts too long as it is. Help?

– Letsgetthisoverwith, Collingwood

WENDY SAYS: We’ve all been there and don’t dare deny it. He’s still going, thrusting away, while you’re so over it your throat is sore from faking groaning noises. You pull out the old “I’ll talk dirty to move things along” tactic but it only makes him go harder. You are dry, exhausted and so transfixed on the dusty curtains you’ve been staring at, you’d much rather be putting them on with a load of Napisan than stay trapped under your lover’s loins.

Now, this doesn’t mean you’re not crazy about your man – it’s just likely you’re just mad for sleep. Should there be a silent ballot asking women they would like to last longer, I reckon REM would win out over RPM (repetitive pumps per minute) hands down. Sleep, let’s face it, is ecstasy. When you want it, it’s all you want.

So, why is there all this constant hooha – ads, articles, talkback – about women wanting men to “last longer” in bed you ask? Allow me to bust this myth out of the ballpark.

OK, there might be some women out there with partners who suffer premature ejaculation (under two minute types) and well, my condolences. I hope he’s good around the house. However, you are not to feel too bad because, after much research I have discovered the average duration per sexual encounter is 3 minutes and 45 seconds. And if it lasts longer, surveys say it will come in under seven minutes tops. Yet, still this is too long for many women claiming they are not satisfied in the bedroom and I believe I have the answer.

The thing is that men have got the message confused. We want them to take the time to satisfy us, which means delaying theirs. We are not calling for more heroic humping, but more attention that doesn’t involve penetration ie: fore and afterplay.

It takes time and attention from men for us to achieve that few seconds of elusive wriggling they find so easy, or at least them maintaining an erection long enough for us to set about achieving it ourselves.

Which leads to my solution for a time-efficient sex life dear sisters – “get on top!” Yes, take control of your own orgasm and get the job done early, when the erection is fresh and you are still awake enough to be bothered.

As most of the men I know claim their greatest turn on is their partner’s arousal, you’ll be killing two birds with one bone (sorry about that). He will likely get off at you going off, meaning the whole business will be over when you want it to be.

I know, genius! Thank you. My good deed for today is done.

Do you have a question for Wendy? Email with the subject line ASK WENDY to theeditor@mamamia.com.au

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