by JO LEAPER
I’m lucky to have two beautiful boys, Caleb* (4) and Fredrick* (2).
I’m also not so lucky. Fredrick has been ill just about every day of his life, with the exception of three glorious months between four and sixteen weeks old.
I try to instil the same values in each of my boys, regardless of how ill Fredrick is. I hope, every day, that it doesn’t change how I view them or how they view the world.
Herein lies my dilemma: how does a parent ensure that their unwell child is seen by everyone else around him, in the same way as the healthy child? After all, I can’t hide his illnesses and how sick he is.
So what’s my problem? How do you handle the fact that your child is constantly sick? And how do I ensure that Caleb gets just as much attention and truly quality time with his family?
We’re fortunate that Fredrick’s is not a life threatening illness. I’ve seen friends lose children through that, and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. How do you explain to child care that the four medications he’s on all are necessary, when all they want to do is send him home? Or face that constant question of what’s actually wrong with him?
Don’t get me wrong, we’ve been at the life threatening stage… twice. And both times, the illnesses weren’t so common that people around us understood the ramifications. Hell, even I needed to do my research – I’m not medically trained at all, I’ve just benefited from watching a lot of Grey’s Anatomy. It’s not a comforting thought that most of Fredrick’s illnesses have used as cases on Grey’s Anatomy and House.
Top Comments
Jo,
What an amazing Mummy you are! I just wanted to say that my Dad's older brother was born with Cystic Fibrosis. Back then that meant twice-daily physio and frequent hospital visits. I know my Grandparents did their best but obviously some kids have different needs. They couldn't help it. Dad has two other brothers and they never, ever resented their parents for any 'missed attention' - they just loved their big brother. They grew up being selfless and considerate - and they have all been the kindest, most generous fathers. I am sure Caleb will be the same. You can only do your best - and you are doing such a great job. And this is a great read - looking forward to reading more of your stories :)
Jo,
As many have mentioned below, this is a lovely article & well written. You clearly love your two sons very much & the fact that you're thinking of how Caleb will cope with the lack of attention means that he will be more than well adjusted.
To give you some hope, my elder brother was born with Spina Bifida & as the youngest child I was dragged to many hospital visits & often felt like I was the "older" child. However I knew my parents loved me very much. Sure there were times when I was jealous at the attention (just like any sibling) he would get. But then my Mum was always the voice of reason & put things into perspective for me. He might be getting an extra teddy bear but he also has to stay in hospital for a few weeks.
As an adult I feel proud to have had a sibling who challenged me mentally and physically. My brother made me a better person. Now with two daughters of my own, this may seem strange, but I hope they get exposed to some of the challenges our family had to overcome.
So all I can say is enjoy your little family, overcompensate when/if you can but put things in perspective & let your boys be brothers, sibling rivalry included!