These are my stretch marks. These are the scars that line my body.
I did not earn these by bringing a child into this world; I do not have a child.
These are a permanent reminder of the choices I’ve made. They line my arms for all the world to see.
Even if I were to lose all the weight, these scars would remain. I will be forever marked by my choice to treat my body poorly.
Choices I made before I knew the consequences, and once I knew the consequences I continued down the rabbit hole, believing I was too far from a comeback.
I put myself in this position.
I ate too much food. I chose not to exercise.
I blamed my metabolism.
I blamed my husband and my mother.
I blamed my body, something must be wrong for me to gain weight like this.
But I was wrong. I am wrong. I didn’t blame me.
I made the choices that led to where I am today; the actions I took have led to a twenty-one year old morbidly obese woman. A woman who is too scared to believe that it can change, too scared to admit that she was wrong, and too devastated to accept where her life has ended up.
My social life is all but non-existent. I choose to remain hidden from the world; immersing myself into books and movies where the heroine is beautiful, pretty and free.
My confidence has shrunk as my exterior ballooned.
It’s time to make a change.
Not for my husband, who so desperately wants a confident sexy wife back in his bed.
Not for my mother, whose heart is broken as her first-born child is losing a battle with obesity.
Not to improve my chances of employment or successfully carrying a baby.
Not for any external factor.
But for me.
Because these are my scars, and they tell the story of where I have been but they will not dictate where I am going.
The author of this post is known to Mamamia but has chosen to remain anonymous.
Top Comments
We need to stop having this conversation. It is self hate publicized. It is not healthy for the person writing it and unlikely to result in her desired goal. We honestly wonder why people are arseholes when we invest so much time and conversation about how we look, so much praise on people forcing themselves to conform and so little on what it actually takes to be a good person and exulting people who have really achieved meaningful things in the world. The whole focus on how we look has made us into narcisists and it is a poison pill at the same time.
I couldn't agree more Vee! While I can empathise with the writer, there isn't much to be gained for her or any readers struggling with the same unhealthy body image and self-esteem issues. My mother was left with horrific scarring and stretch marks which damaged her self-confidence terribly; and although hers resulted from childbirth the focus and importance she placed on perceived physical flaws meant she missed out on enjoying life because she was too busy worrying over her appearance. Yes, obesity is a serious health problem, but the emphasis here seems to be more about looks rather than physical health risks and associated psychological trauma. I find it really frustrating that impressionable women (and men) reading this will come away with little knowledge of the person on the inside. I sincerely hope she will be able to get to a healthier weight, but blaming yourself in a public forum solves nothing. Work on the person on the inside, you can't take your body with you when you're gone
I have lost 25kgs in the past year. It has never been about weight loss, but about getting my life back and myself back. I have started to really be proud of the good things - running up stairs, being able to see the muscles in my legs again, feeling strong, having good balance and confidence in the ability of my body to lift, move and support me. At every stage I would notice these little things and it made me proud. So now I don't see the stretch marks so much, or how my boobs have sagged after the weightloss. Every little gain brings you more and more back to life. From were I was I never thought I could be happy with my body again but I am doing it and so can you. Good luck and big hugs Anon.