Everyone who watched The Voice last night was thinking exactly the same thing.

I’m just going to go ahead and say what’s on your mind.

Last night’s The Voice was a tad disappointing. I feel as though all the interesting people were put on the train to rejection-town and that the safe ones who are not Divalicious were picked.

Yes, I’m bitter that Divalicious, aka Fiona and Penny from Perth, didn’t get one single chair turn. They are Pru and Tru on acid in matching silk organza gowns.

Pearls were certainly involved as was some classical music. They were the highlight for me tonight, I could have watched them finish each others sentences while Ricky did some super-slow mo/salsa in the background all night. Yes Ricky would have been resplendent in a pearl necklace too..

Moving on.

John the son of a preacher man stepped up to the plate along with his teeny tiny uke. Kylie, Will and Joel all put their hands up. Kylie immediately liked what she saw and turned on her red hot flirty laser beams. Poor John never stood a chance. I find it ironic that the man who walked on stage dressed as a beach hipster and performed the song that won JJJ’s hottest 100 ended up going with his *gut and chose the person who basically invented cheesy pop. Yeah, his “gut” – I’m sure that had a lot to do with it. That and Kylie basically pulled a Sharon Stone Basic instinct move with her eyes. No I don’t mean her eyes look like vaginas I just mean… oh SHUT UP.

Kylie flirted, John forget his name and K’s team got another member.. Because of his member.

Okay, I’ll stop now.

Then came Tasha, Thando and Annabelle. They were all fine singers, I am sure the best of all of them is yet to come. Ok I admit it, I was going through my wine bundle trying to figure out which savvy blanc I wanted and didn’t actually see them. Sorry.

Curly-haired Andrew Taylor got a shit load of air time and just as I had started to emotionally invest in him and his loving girlfriend no bastard turned around! Say what now The Voice?! Kylie couldn’t figure out if Andrew Taylor was a girl or a guy for most of the song, she also announced “HEELS” as he walked out in his very flat man boots. What I am trying to say is: Kylie was best on ground tonight.

They keep pressing on with the “Blind Blind” audition where we don’t get to see the contestant unless someone turns around. Ricky was on Grindr for a lot of the time so I was worried he may miss a good one.

Sarah belted out “Good Luck” by The Basement Jax and got a thumbs up from Will.i.am. Hot tip alert: Sarah will be one to watch once she irons the nerves out and picks better songs. Her voice had big hairy balls, the best kind.

Rockabilly Goth Luna Envy (yep) enters my life and I am excited. Finally, someone genuinely interesting to watch!

Luna Envy’s Mum mentions about eleventy thousand times that Luna is “a bit different”. Luna’s bondage outfit, fetish shoes and eddie munster fringe did suggest she wasn’t exactly an accountant, but thanks for the heads up, mum!

Luna says that she just wants to make her Mum proud, I feel maybe growing her eyebrows back would do the trick but hey, getting on a nation singing contest is probably the next best thing. I was really gunning for Luna but again not one chair turned. What the actual hell, you guys?!

Then we finish on Peter, who they’ve been building to all night. Peter is a pharmacist with a floppy fringe, musical siblings and one gorgeous Father. Neal is super dooper proud of Peter and just thinks he is terrific. Neal doesn’t like to fly so he sends Peter a good luck message via an iPad.

The first 30 seconds of Peter’s audition are really terrible, then like a Goddamn phoenix rising from the ashes he suddenly comes good and Ricky turns immediately.

I felt a little let down tonight, for quite a few reasons. Then I watched Joanna Lumely interview Will and everything was alright with the world.

I know this is going to sound creepy but when has that ever stopped me before? I really feel like Will and I are kindred weirdos, I enjoy him, I like his spirit.

I don’t want to watch him sleep or anything, but I will admit to spending an inordinate amount of time thinking about what it would be like to touch his hair.

Until next time my darlings.

What did you think of last night’s episode?

Here are a few of our favourite moments from The Voice: