“Well, my view is that I’d love to live to see the day where a leader of the country did what Zapatero in Spain, and spoke up very clearly about the fact that this is a matter of the rights of citizens to equality. As it happens, and I think this may be in the book, Johann and I probably wouldn’t get married. After all, our engagement has gone on for 42 years, so it’s getting a bit late in the day. But it ought to be there for those who want it.”
Now there’s an interesting point. What makes his relationship any different to a ‘normal’ heterosexual romance? It’s far out-stripped the average length of a marriage which in this country is 8.7-years.
“A little over 2 years ago my maternal grandfather died, watching my heartbroken nanna kiss her
husband goodbye for the final time was probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I know, and I mean really KNOW, that they were in love until the day he died.
In trying to find the silver lining in this I choose to see that some people are truly in love with their marital partners forever and the words “till death do us part” is 100% true. In the case of my grandparents that was for 66 years.
This got me to thinking “will this ever be the case for me”? You see I am a gay man. The law states that no matter how deeply I love another man, how well we work as a couple, how much I want to stand in front of my family and friends and say “till death do us part” it will never be legally recognised.
There seems to be an assumption that gay men can’t have long term relationships, have you ever seen a Mardi Gras float that has groups of couples under banners of their length of relationship? No. Are there many (or in fact any) gay couples in the media that have been together for a very long period of time? (I knew of one when I started this, but do you know without me telling you?).
Now currently I am single so maybe, I personally, am not the person to prove that gay men (and our lesbian counterparts) have just as much chance as having a long term relationships as heterosexuals. So being a hobby photographer I thought I would collect images of queer couples that have achieved this which could help to fill this void in people’s perception.
I needed to find a base line of what I would class as “Long Term” so I looked to the Australian Bureau of Statistics. What I decided to use was the median length of an Australian marriage to separation. When I first started this project the length of time was 8.9 years, a couple of months later the ABS stated it was 8.8 years, and as I write I have now found it is 8.7 years
And I put the word out there through friends and facebook of the people I was looking for. And slowly and surely I began to find couples. And what an inspiring bunch of people did I find.
And what did I learn from all these couples? Well lots! For some couples the secret of their longevity was that they had so much in common, others the fact that they virtually had nothing in common. Some met when they were turning 40 and had been through the dating game for some time , others like in the case of Ben and Nicholas, they met when they were 18 and have never had another boyfriend in their entire lives! – how many heterosexuals can say that?
What was the one thing that was consistent for all the couples? Simply that they are still in love with their partners. So love is love no matter the gender of the person you love.
When I look at this collection of images, which will continue to grow as I meet more people that fit the criteria, I am inspired by the diversity of the people within the photo. The diversity of people that I have met is just as diverse as the general population. We, gays and lesbians, are no different to heterosexuals except that we are same sex attracted. All we want is the right to be treated exactly the same as everyone else and for the law, our government and the public to show our relationships the respect we show yours.
Now with so many people divorcing it shows that not everyone, whether gay or straight can have the “till death do us part love affair” and my belief in achieving that, like both sets of my grandparents did, is the jackpot lottery of life, but just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I should be prevented from buying that ticket.
Please be inspired by the people that have inspired me.”
About the Author: Evan Cooper is an out loud and proud gay man. He has been involved with a number of community groups starting with the amazing Ankali Project and Camp Goodtime. His belief is that finding your soul mate, finding that person who you love and loves you back till the day you die is the lottery jackpot of life, and just because he’s gay he shouldn’t be prevented from buying a ticket.
Bernard and Edward. Date of commitment: November 1977Andy and Augie. Date of commitment: February 1994Ben and Nick. Date of commitment: August 1996Carmen and Ally. Date of commitment: November 1998Cindy and Gab. Date of commitment: July 1995Danny and Marco. Date of commitment: April 2001Drew and Chris with Walter and Shirley. Date of commitment: October 1991Geoff and Jason. Date of commitment: December 1992Ian and Geoff. Date of commitment: November 1996Emma and Sarah. Date of commitment: March 2001Jaie, Sam and Alex. Date of commitment: February 2001Jan and Chris. Date of commitment: April 1991Jason and Scott. Date of commitment: April 1999Jo, Penny, Jemima, Red and Pippi. Date of commitment: May 1993John and John. Date of commitment: 1960Jon and Stephan. Date of commitment: March 2000Lee and Sarah. Date of commitment: February 1998Liam and Alan. Date of commitment: January 2000Lindy and Christine. Date of commitment: June 1993eLyn and Cass. Date of commitment: March 2001Mark and Craig, and furry kids Oscar and Lucy. Date of commitment: March 1995Michael and Dale. Date of commitment: March 1997Michael and Justin. Date of commitment: October 1987Patrick and Jeffrey. Date of commitment: July 1981Pj and Darren. Date of commitment: November 1998Scott and Christopher. Date of commitment: June 1999Tony and Glenn. Date of commitment: October 2000Travis and Obi. Date of commitment: September 2001Walter and Thang. Date of commitment: April 1990
Top Comments
Evan that was such a refreshing article.
Life is hard enough. I applaud anyone that can find the love of their life. Same sex or hetrosexual.
My love and life long blessings go to you and every one else who are denied their moral and ethically given right to find their life partners.
Marriage is the choice of two consenting adults who wish to cherish and celebrate their deep love for one another. Gay or straight is not the business of anyone but the individual, no one has the right to tell another who to love based on 'your' beliefs. When not related by family, where there is love & choice - let love rule.
BTW - Straight & lovingly suportive of anyones choices