Why the world needs to get its shit together on Kate Middleton's name.

Over a year ago, Mamamia’s Rosie Waterland asked the universe a simple question: What is a young entertainment journalist, meandering through an onslaught of stories based on royal weddings, babies and pastel suits, supposed to call the Duchess of Cambridge? 

Since then, K-Midz has had her baby, come to Australia, conceived another kid, and yet we’re still sitting around, debating the semantic implications of ‘Kate’ vs ‘Catherine’, and of ‘Middleton’ vs ‘of Cambridge’.

So, we’ve decided to open the floor once again…

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By ROSIE WATERLAND

What do you call Kate Middleton?

I know. I know. Second to climate change, it probably is that next great moral challenge of our time (thanks for the handy phrase Kevin07).

I’m not talking about what you think you’re meant to call her, but what do you actually call her? Got it? Okay, don’t tell me yet – but hold onto it for the big reveal (coming in about 1 minute).

We discovered a bizarre phenomenon in the MM office last week. Okay, maybe not discovered, but we certainly used ‘important pressing royal research’ as an excuse to chat for 20 minutes. And here’s what we found:

Catherine needs some serious Cher-style branding – stat – because her name has gone rogue.

Take a deep breath:

Yes, she has an official hoity-toity title: Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge. But, the girl we fell in love with while she waited patiently for her prince was just plain old Kate Middleton. Then, when he finally proposed, it was revealed that she actually prefers Catherine. After that, people started calling her Lady Catherine, but there were still those who stuck with Lady Kate, or just plain Kate.

Then, there were those who jumped the gun and started calling her Princess Kate or Princess Catherine. But on their wedding day, it was revealed the Queen had decided to give the lovely couple the title of Duke and Duchess of Cambridge.

Stick with me:

That meant she could officially be called Duchess Catherine. Or Duchess Kate. But confusion remained, as William is a Prince as well as a Duke, so a lot of people assume Kate is also a Princess, and continue to name her as such.

We then move on to the surname, as technically she is now a Windsor, but most continue to call her Middleton, even though it is proper to leave the surname out all together now that she is Duchess of the house of Cambridge.

Please insert some sort of  ‘exasperation’ punctuation mark here.

When did it all get so convoluted? It should be easy – JUST CALL HER BY HER OFFICIAL TITLE! Even the palace released an official statement saying that is what they’d prefer.

But it’s not that simple really, because everyone has a name they like to call the Duchess. (Here’s where I want you to pull out that name I had you put away earlier.)

That’s your version! You may be a stickler for the rules and only use the official title, or you may fancy yourself on a pretty casual nicknamey basis with good ol’ K-Mids.

Either way; whatever it is you like to call her, you can guarantee you won’t find a room full of people who all agree.

Like I said, the girl’s name has gone rogue. It’s taken on a life of its own. I’m sure she’s laughing at us all, and anybody who actually knows her calls her by her middle name anyway. Which is Elizabeth. Or maybe Lizzy. Or Lady Liz? This is hurting my brain.

Just to safe, I’m going to start calling her Duch-lady-cess Cather-kate Windsor-ton.

That should cover all my bases.

Here’s some pretty pictures of Duch-lady-cess Cather-kate Windsor-ton (really rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it?):

What do you call the future Queen of England? Any versions we haven’t mentioned?