Johnny Depp's house is so Johnny Depp it hurts.

An old-school provincial masterpiece.

Johnny Depp, 52, is Hollywood’s favourite chameleon. He’s been a barber, chocolate maker, pirate (or sea gangster), rogue agent, astronaut and a bookworm. Throw in a few psychotic writers just to complete the package… So when we saw his French mansion was on the market obviously we had to see whether his furnishing choices were as extravagant as… everything else about him.

Turns out they are. And worth every cent of the $16.3 million some Very Lucky Rich Person has just snapped it up for.

Read more: 5 things we should throw out of Australia before Johnny Depp’s dogs.

The classic estate, located just North of St. Tropez, was designed and decorated by Johnny and his former partner, Vanessa Paradis. And boy do they have some medieval taste.

At a minuscule 37 acres in size (but who is counting) with 12 bedrooms, a skate park, a restaurant, two pools, a church and 12 bathrooms, this French palace comfortably housed the pair of Hollywood’s finest. And maybe they could squeeze in their daughter, Lily-Rose.

We give you, Lily Rose Depp (Post continues after gallery):

The rooms are “themed”, describes Johnny’s realtor Sotheby’s. It just so happens that most of the themes centre around “Pirates”, like the wine cellar. I guess we know what Depp’s favourite role was now.

There is also A LOT of rock. All kinds of rocks decorating the walls and ceilings. With very few lights. Hence, medieval. And pirate-y.

Alexander Kraft from Sotheby’s explains: “Contrary to many other properties of major international celebrities, Johnny Depp’s estate has not been decorated by an interior designer, but by Johnny himself. As a consequence, the estate is not a ritzy showplace, but an utterly charming family home that truly reflects Johnny Depp’s unique character and taste.”

He’s probably looking for something smaller to share/redecorate/turn into a pirate emporium with his wife, 28-year-old actress Amber Heard. Maybe 38 acres.

So you want to snoop now, don’t you? Be our guest.

Want to read more about Johnny?

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Johnny Depp injures his hand. Can’t hold a sword.