The definitive guide to the best post-breakup TV binge watching.

Because there’s a show out there for every stage of your emotional turmoil.

We’re all functioning humans who absolutely do not rely on television as a crux for our emotional state, right? Wrong. TV is a remedy for everything.

Bored? Watch TV.

Tired? Watch TV in bed.

Sad? TV will make you happy.

Happy? Become even happier by watching TV.

And if you’ve just been through a breakup, wallowing in pain and torment, TV is obviously the cure. That and wine and chocolate.

Unless you’re living it up post-split (power to you), the emotional rollercoaster of a breakup can closely resemble the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.

To get you through this process, we have perfectly matched particular programs to each stage, to support you through this trying time.

Stage 1: Denial.

Keeping up with the Kardashians. 

The “denial” stage is that period when you try to convince yourself you’re fine, totally fine, you don’t even need *insert ex’s name here* and you’re way better off. For some people this stage can last the rest of their life and for others it’s all of one day. Either way, this is the time for trashy escapism in the form of the Kardashians. It’s best to focus on a world so far away from our own, and their bat-shit insane lifestyle will keep your mind occupied for hours.

Lost.

The gist of this show is that a plane crashes into an isolated, tropical island and some really weird stuff happens. The show gets a bad rap but give it a chance, it’s actually pretty good. Also, you’ll be so incredibly confused by the plot line (and the polar bear?!) that you won’t even have time to think about your breakup.

Law and Order.

Crime shows with minimal relationship references that are light on the gore are perfect in this post-breakup stage. Trying to figure out the murderer before the cops do through 20 whole seasons of Law and Order should take your mind off things for a while.

Stage 2: Anger.

Game of Thrones.

Depending on how the whole breakup went down, by now you probably pretty f*cking furious at your ex/life in general. The best thing to do is to channel your fiery rage into a binge session of Game of Thrones. There are so many despicable characters- Joffrey, Cercei, Little Finger, basically EVERYONE- you can transfer your hatred onto.

Scandal.

Olivia Pope leads a team of Washington, D.C., lawyers who specialise in making scandals disappear. And without giving away spoilers it will get you seriously fired up. It will also make you want to buy a lot of white coats, power drink red wine and swear off men forever.

Stage 3: Depression.

Parks and Recreation. 

It’s a proven scientific fact* that you cannot feel sadness while watching Parks and Recreation. Leslie Knope, a mid-level employee in an Indiana Parks and Recreation Department, navigates government bureaucracy, friendship and lurrrve with hilarity. The cast, the plot and the script are all amazing and her attitude to life will inspire you to get out of your funk. Hot tip: avoid season five, Ben and Leslie’s courtship will set you up with unrealistic expectations of romance.

*Not an actual fact. More of an observation.

Grey’s Anatomy.

Sometimes when you’re sad you just want to be… sad. You just want to ugly cry for hours and hours. And Grey’s Anatomy will help you do just that. The amount of wholly unnecessary and gratuitous deaths in this show is astounding, the minute you start to get invested in a character Shonda Rhimes will throw them under the bus. Literally. That’s actually how a few characters have died in this show.

Stage 4: Bargaining

Breaking Bad. 

You’re so close to being over this bloody breakup you can almost taste the tear-free freedom. Now is the time to bargain your way to feeling better with Breaking Bad. Because hey, at least you don’t have a husband cooking meth on the DL, right?

The Good Wife.

Julianna Margulies nails it as Alicia Florrick, the wife of a politician who is caught in a sex and corruption scandal. It’s perfect for the bargaining stage because it’s kind of like, “phew, maybe I am doing ok, at least I’m not in her situation”. But then if you are in her situation you can just watch her through out the seasons killing it at life after she cuts loose her drop kick of a husband… #Inspo.

Stage 5: Acceptance.

Sex and the City. 

Alright, it’s finally Sex and the City time. You’re pretty much over your breakup now and it’s time to embrace being single. So of course that means “hitting da clubs” with “tha galz”. To prep your body/mind/soul to hit the dating scene, watching Carrie and the gang is a must.

New Girl

After going through a tough breakup, awkward, “a-dork-able” Jess (played by Zooey Deschanel) moves in with three single guys. Hilarity ensues. Her series of hook up fails will remind you of the reality of dating, just in case you spent your whole relationship thinking the grass is greener on the single side. But this ridiculously funny show will still give you the inspiration to get back on your feet and out on the tune.

And because we are great people we have rounded up some more great, binge-worthy TV shows.

 

 

 

Like this? Try these:

Bec Sparrow: 5 lessons I learnt from watching daytime TV.

The top 10 Australian TV shows. Ever.

Think a break-up is like ripping off a band-aid? Wrong.

What do you watch when you’re upset?