So, how much sex really happens on The Bachelor?

August 10, 2015

Sorry ladies, Bachie Sam Wood has said he will NOT be sleeping with any hopefuls this season of The Bachelor. ಥ_ಥ

The Bachelor Season 3 is everything we wanted and more.

Almost.

There are super awkward dates. There are lots of white teeth. There are bandage dresses, rose petals, heavily scripted conversations, and shameless product promotions. But the one thing that’s (so far) missing from this reality TV dating marathon is the one thing that underpins dating altogether. SEX.

Bachie Sam Wood having serious regrets about his no-bonk policy for the show.

Following the outrage and social media wildfire that followed US Bachelorette Kaitlyn Bristol after she discussed her sex life on air, wise old owl Sam is learning from her mistakes and making the call early: there will be NO sex on air. None. None whatsoever.

In a move that had mums around Australia nodding vigorously and calling him a ‘roily nice boy’, Bachelor Sam Wood was clear on his no-bonk policy well before the series even begun.

He said:

“Our show is a lot more wholesome than the America version.

There’s nothing beyond a bit of kissing going on. It’s not like I’m kissing every girl on the show, but there’s been a few.

How else can you really know if you have chemistry with someone unless you kiss them?”

*Crickets chirping*

“My idea of a great marriage? No sex until we’re engaged! Ammiright ladies? ….Ladies?”

I mean, that seems fair. Following Blakegate, it’s probably not a bad idea to try and keep his reputation squeaky clean.

But let’s remember something here: this show was invented as a kind of time-machine-reality-TV-love-vortex, in which real life dating is condensed and slammed on fast forward for drama worthy proportions. Bachie Wood is here on very serious romantic business, people: he’s here to find a wife. As in, someone he wants to wake up next to for the rest of his life. Someone who he might want to raise children with. Someone he loves, deeply and passionately.

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… which also kinda means finding someone who is pickin’ up what he’s puttin’ down, ya know?

Surely a strong sexual connection is crucial for a happy marriage. And K.I.S.S.I.N.G. just doesn’t cut it. Even if it is with tongue and the occasional grope.

The American Bachelor and Bachelorette series have sparked a lot of discussion on the topic, particularly in regards to recent Bachelorette Kaitlyn Bristowe. The sassy spin class teacher was the first person in the show’s 30-season run (!!!) to actually talk about sex on the show – namely, that she was bonking several contestants.

This is Kaitlyn Bristowe. She was a Bachelorette, and she had sex. SEX!

Quelle horreur! Woman admits to sleeping with man whilst dating!

Following her confession, the camps were divided: some were horrified that their rose-strewn fairytale was shattered, whilst others were cheering for some reality finally being injected into ‘reality TV’. Personally, I was just impressed that she was able to get five minutes’ privacy to squeeze in a cheeky shag.

And with Season 3 starting to heat up, it’s high time we address this whitewashing of modern dating. The lack of sexual discussion feels outdated, prudish, and unrealistic. I mean, there’s a Fantasy Suite for goodness sake. What else will they be doing in there? Playing chess?

Boob staring? Fine. Passionate kissing? No probs. Actually addressing that two consenting adults might fancy a shag during the dating process? NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.

In the NY Magazine‘s Sex Lives podcast, a panel of experts had their say on the topic. All agreed that the presence of sex in the show – even if it’s just a discussion – is healthy, and a realistic portrayal of modern dating. They were quick to acknowledge, however, the slut-shaming and social media attacks Bachelorette Kaitlyn received after her sex-fession, pointing to the fans who wanted their snuggly-wuggly favourite TV show to stay pink and fluffy and filth-free forever more. *Yawn*

Maybe we need to look slightly further than Bachie Wood’s ~~questionable~~ um ~~admirable~~ no-shag policy to the bigger picture at hand: is it responsible to have our younger Aussie girls thinking this is how dating works?

Relationships are rocky and messy. There’s rarely a yacht, or a couples superhero photoshoot, or the wearing of sequinned bandage dresses. Falling in love is about crazy sex, awkward breakfasts the next day, and telling each other secrets only when you’re ready… not when the producer gives you the signal.

Do they have that on The Bachelor?

If they do, they are never going to tell us about it. Because, as the American experiment suggests, we like our fantasy reality dating squeaky clean.

Personally, I fully advocate sex on reality TV. It’s normal. In fact, it might just be the only normal thing about the whole wacky show.

How would you feel about sex on The Bachelor? Would it make you feel weird?

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Top Comments

Anne Rogers 9 years ago

With the very real threat of sexually transmitted diseases, it isn't smart to have casual sex regardless of your moral position. In reality TV, are all the "contestants" required to submit documentation of a clean bill of health? If you aren't comfortable discussing HIV or birth control methods with a person, that is a good sign you aren't ready for sexual intercourse. Of course, in Reality TV those serious real life issues aren't shown because it doesn't make "good" TV.

anon 9 years ago

I don't agree with you. Not that I don't see your point about sexual chemistry, but the reality is, that most people in real life are not dating 20 people at once, passionately kissing 10 of them, sleeping with 5 of them, and expecting all 20 of those people (who are supposed to be faithful to them) to be okay with all this. That is what the problem is. Of course there are people in real life who do those things, but most of us call them sleazes, whether they are male or female. It is not "slut shaming" to criticise a woman who does this, just like a woman would call the guy she was dating a bastard or creep if he did the same thing to her.

This is not "real" behaviour, the Bachelor series invented it, before that people thought that it was a dishonourable thing to get it on with more than one person at a time, though of course people have always done this on the sly, but it was quite understandably never socially acceptable. Because who wants to be with someone who has so little regard for you that they are quite happy to kiss and or sleep with 5 other people besides you whilst you are expected to sit around and pine away for them.

Addressing your sex is a part of dating point, well yes and no. In our society we seem to have travelled to some new dimension whereby sex is no longer something you do with someone you care about, it is merely an activity to do with as many people as possible, and you know what that's fine if that's what you and the other person (or three!) want to do, but if you are wanting to find the person that you are to marry then perhaps you might want to find out if you actually like them, are compatible, have things in common etc etc. These shows give the impression that kissing and bonking someone is all you need to do to find out if you are compatible. I'm sure that sexual compatibility is important to many if not most people, but so are a whole lot of other issues, but modern society seems to act as if all you need to do is meet someone and bonk them within 5 seconds regardless of whether you know enough about them to realise if you even like them or not. Yes of course some people have such a strong connection that they may have sex soon or even immediately, I am not negating that, but I do have a problem with the idea that you are expected to have sex with someone almost straight away to ascertain chemistry, when in fact many people aren't ready to have sex with someone till they get to know them well.