FLUFF: Which actress claims water has feelings? (Answer: Gwyneth, of course.)

Let’s commence with a challenge.

Can you get through this entire post while keeping your eyeballs steady on the page and not rolling them around in their sockets? We say that actress Gwyneth Paltrow, 41, will make that task impossible but see how you go…

Gwyneth has been bettering the world as only she can in recent months; expounding words of wisdom about relationships, war, and social media. But Gwyneth reached new cosmic proportions of Very Odd this week when she told fans of her lifestyle website Goop that water has feelings.

But don’t just take our word for it, here’s what the woman herself had to say:

“I am fascinated by the growing science behind the energy of consciousness and its effects on matter. I have long had Dr. Emoto’s coffee table book on how negativity changes the structure of water, how the molecules behave differently depending on the words or music being expressed around it.”

But wait, just like a Demtel commercial for steak knives, there’s more, there’s more!

“Consider the fact that your body is over 70% water and you’ll understand how quickly the vibration from negative words resonates in your cells. Ancient scriptures tell us that life and death are in the power of the tongue. As it turns out, that’s not a metaphor.”

We considered writing a witty ending to this post, we really did. But there’s really not much you can add to the immortal genius of Paltrow. Be kind to your Mount Franklin, friends. Treat it with love.

And now, more Gwyneth:

What do you think: is this Gwyneth’s kookiest musing yet?