'I shared photos of my bathroom renovation online. Then people spotted one major flaw.'

The tiles had finally been laid in my new bathroom, so I snapped some photos to post on Instagram. 

"I'm so nervous about this, but I love them!" I captioned the pics. 

They were gorgeous shades of pink — colourful and fun — exactly what I wanted. 

It was part of my big backyard reno that included a pool and a pool house and was pretty stressful as I was spending every last cent of my redrawn mortgage on it. 

I was so happy with my choices so far, especially the beautiful pink tiles. Until I saw one comment...

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"Um I hate to tell you this, but I think it looks like rows of d*cks," the message said.

I was expecting compliments and praise! Not penis chat! 

I hadn't done anything to improve my home before this — all my focus and money is usually spent on overseas trips. But my 14-year-old daughter and I needed more space than my old 60s red brick home could give us, and when I realised a swimming pool and a pool house would be less expensive than a house remodel I was all in.

"Penis. As if," I thought, and rolled my eyes.

Then another message: "Evie it might just be me, but the tiles look kind of penis-y."

No. These tiles were fabulous! As soon as I saw them I knew: THESE WERE MY TILES! 

The bathroom looked amazing. They did not look like d*cks. How ridiculous.

"But maybe I should just check again," I told myself. 

When I had another look at the photos, my stomach dropped. Oh no, no, no.

How did I not see this before? It was a pink penis wall!

It started with the bottom row. The tiler had cut the tiles at the exact point that made them look like perfectly proportioned pink balls. The balls then made the row above look like upright dongs, and then row after row of tiles above looked like pretty pink peens moving up my wall.

My bathroom was a penis palace. I had built a penis pool house! 

The tiles in all their glory. Source: supplied. 

It was hilarious and it was done now. Straight into personal crisis management, I told myself that the balls were on the bottom row so would mostly be covered by the vanity and toilet. It would be fine. It wasn’t THAT BAD.

The one thing I love more than a laugh is sharing a laugh, and I needed to get in front of the panic attack that was threatening to launch into my chest. The best way to do that was to share and join in the fun. The penis parlour would not be a secret I would try to hide. I immediately made a quick Instagram reel.

"When you’re showing off your new bathroom tiles and everyone messages you about the bottom two rows," I wrote. I let the tiles speak for themselves.

Turns out that many people could see the row of bait and tackle on my wall and many of them had just been too polite to message me.

Everyone was laughing, including me, and the comments were hilarious. 

Some suggested getting vagina soaps to ensure fair gender representation. Some praised the colour variety of penises, and others said they will be searching out these tiles, too.

But the online views grew, 10,000… 100,000… one million... and then they weren’t satisfied with seeing penises. People commented that they saw tampons at varying stages of flow, they saw pads — and they gleefully told me in detail. It started to get out of hand. I found less humour in the tampon comparison, and let them know it.

Penises are funny. I don’t want tampon tiles.

More than 4.3 million people on Instagram so far have had a good laugh at the penis pool house, and, thankfully many saw it as a bonus feature and a design win rather than a flaw.

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A post shared by Evie 🖐🏻 Solo mum | Travel writer | Family travel (@mumpacktravel)

Truth be told, it’s classic Evie, and if anyone was going to inadvertently create a penis pool house it’s me. 

My mum, on the other hand, was horrified. 

"How dare they," she said. "Such dirty minds…it looks nothing like…'that'." 

Thanks for your support Mum, but it really does.

Since the tiles went in just over a week ago, there’s been no further work on the bathroom and the wall remains in its full glory.

But I can’t wait to reveal my completed bathroom where either the balls and penises will be no longer obvious. Or if they are, I will be making a little sign to acknowledge the Penis Pool House - and ordering the vagina soaps. Stay tuned!

When Evie Farrell is not creating penis walls, she is hosting her women-only group trips in Asia. You can follow her here.

Have you ever had a home renovation fail? Let us know in the comments below. 

Feature image: Supplied.  

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